tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-878264026805025549.post6376146590830474145..comments2011-05-03T15:36:28.191-04:00Comments on Infinity Muse: Lungs of AirAlex Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17935022085078746808noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-878264026805025549.post-63619470911405235202009-09-26T22:31:50.273-04:002009-09-26T22:31:50.273-04:00Hello Alex!
Well done throughout the post, but pa...Hello Alex!<br /><br />Well done throughout the post, but particularly great during the introduction, was your imagery of the frozen snow and bitter wind of the day. You interact and battle against nature itself, trying to survive both the weather and what thoughts nature had given you that day. There were also a few gems to hold on to in this post if you were going to shorten it (which I also recommend, if only a couple small parts to increase the occasionally plodding pace). I enjoyed the feeble humor in your griping about how air should be warm, the self-contemplation about whether you leaving your bed in the morning would make a difference or not, and finally the analogy of your emotions flowing like blood out of meat. <br /><br />As far as some constructive criticism, other than your pacing, I believe that the intense contemplation and tension could have been broken once or twice more in order to change the tone and take advantage of the reader’s state of mind. Your rhetorical talk with the air was about the only bit of levity in your post; and being so intense with one type of tone (in this example, self-contemplation) can be exhausting for some readers, particularly those who are looking for short pieces.<br /><br />Fantastic work Alex, your skill at writing is definitely a cut above.<br /><br />- JeremyJeremy Dunlophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662830082081557617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-878264026805025549.post-44045692993752233762009-09-22T15:06:24.712-04:002009-09-22T15:06:24.712-04:00Hi! Not sure if we're supposed to reply or not...Hi! Not sure if we're supposed to reply or not, but I know, it does need a good bit of shortening doesn't it? I'm hoping to get the chance to edit it down before the 23rd to make all your lives easier, but I we shall see if that's doable.<br /><br />Thanks for the comment, the compliments, and most importantly, the constructive criticism. :)Alex Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935022085078746808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-878264026805025549.post-10532682461128623802009-09-22T14:14:14.986-04:002009-09-22T14:14:14.986-04:00Hi Alex,
Your post is very creative and interesti...Hi Alex, <br />Your post is very creative and interesting. I really liked the language that you used in your descriptions. My only suggestion would be to make it shorter. <br />:)Kristin Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12213292015273806043noreply@blogger.com